flat line (13.10.24)

away from lake

raft, down river

no longer holding- vine, rock

turns of river, straight

raft now car

water, asphalt

speed

blur

speed

crash

flying, in between streaks of white

white light against black

flat line

flat line

afraid to move

afraid to breath

eternity

waiting

waiting for the flat line to pulse

give birth to two dimensions

mountain peaks

valley dips

waiting

waiting for flat line to split

three dimensions

depth perception

depth

branches

swaying

leaves forward, embrace

retreat, beckon

rivers

concave

convex

waiting

line

split

pulse

split

added

time

space

contrast

color

their stories:

birds singing

ancestors

water churning

descendants

but all you see is flat line

and you think

wonder

wish

wish that it was all white

wish that it was all black

zen white

zen black

zen, then

memories you can turn to metaphors

like footsteps erased by tide

sand castles carried by wind

slower, ice castles melted by sun

but all you see

flat line

(a memory

or a beautiful dream)

paru-paro (13.11.02)

     

sa palayan,

mga paru-parong

kulay putik

papaanong natandaan

ang paglipad

sailing (13.11.30)

                  sailing
       riding the crests of ancestral script
a killer whale sings a familiar salmon song


      seed
tangles on bamboo, Free
   traditions remembered
      a new story born

dalampasigan (13.12.01)

himig ng batis, sinundan sa baybay
lulusubin, hanggang ako'y nakasakay
nakitang nakadaong, mumunting balangay

paghanga sa lalim, sa galaw, na nitong taglay
paligid ilang, ang tuyo, nabigyan kulay
nagising, nabuo, namulat ng malay

pagdaloy, inawit ng tubig, nagbigay buhay
nabigyan lakas, nabigyan sigla, dating matamlay
agusan lumakas, sa pagbaling, pandiwang kumpay

Hindi nagmasid sa takot na matangay
Hindi umimik sa takot na matangay
Hindi kumibo sa takot na matangay

Tutungo't uupo muli sa dampang naghihintay
Panandalian o magpakailanman man mawalay
Sa pagsasayaw ng pinagisa- ilog- tanaw na nailay
Awit, aliw, alwan- tanglad, panghilom, sa lumbay

flor:ante (13.12.06)

tukayong naghandog;
mula sa kanya- bago
Bulaklak- bungang lulog
kayamanang alipato:

dalisay na pagdating
panandalian, nawalay
ng maibalik ang ningning
huling paalam, dalisay

kalinga ng bagwis
kalayuan, di naunawaan
pangamo sa hapis
walang hanggan, amihan

mga inalagaang palaban
siya din pala naging anito
bahaghari sa likuran
daloy: ngiti- mga alaala, natanto

taglay na yaman sa galak
kaya siya’y pinauna
mapalapad ang bitak
hanggang naiwan, makasama:

sa paglipad ng maya
sa tinig man mawawalay
sa pagbalik, umaga
tamis ng himig na hintay

ang batis, sa pagtuyo
basang lupa, palatandaan
pagmamahal at pagsuyo
alaala ng nakaraan

panatiliin sa isip
sa puso kailanman
ang tawa, ang awit
ukit sa araw at buwan

kabuuan (2013.10.xx)

Maykapal, patawarin kaming nakalimot sa ngalan
Muling dinggin aming tinig at panalangin
Sa pag-alala't pagtawag sa mga diwata, kami'y tulungan

Sa mga tala, namumugad sa kalawakan
Sa aming pakikiisa sa kapaligiran, gabayan
Na kami na kabilang ng marami, matandaan

Ang Ilaw, matagal nang natutulog sa kanluran
Muling bumangon at sumikat sa silangan
Nang kami'y muling mamulat sa kasarinlan

Liyab ng apoy, ngayo'y baga, napabayaan
Aming alay, pagkabuhay sa paghingang laman
Sa muling pagkagising, taglay na lakas, biyayaan

Tubig, ina ng dagat at ilog, tinatawagan
Sa pagbuhos ng ulan, dahan-dahan
Dalhin ang paghilom, sa kapwa, sa kalikasan

Kawayan, sinapupunan ng sining at kasaysayan
Kinakatawang balangay, kalinga sa daan
Kinakatawang barangay, sa pagbuo'y tibayan

Amihan, sa pagpapatulog sa habagat, tulungan
Bilang ibon, palayain sa ngayong kinakatawan
Puso at isip gawing pandiwang tanggapan

Bundok, pinag-isang apoy at lupa, kabilang
Sa muling pagtibok, ang abo, punlaan
Aming pagkatao'y muling maisilang

Binhi, taglay ay pagkakakilanlan
Aming tinitipon at pinangangalagaan
Nang ang bunga'y mai-ani ng kinabukasan




p/c Pi S-P

CfBS: On the Abbreviated and Punctuated Balikbayan Journey of a Bamboo Scion (13.12.07)

edge, west-north Turtle Island 
ears opened to songs of Killer Whale
heart's pulse in sync with flap of Raven       
eyes opened to dance of Salmon

so i traced, tracked- back
towards song of Buwaya
towards flap of Pawikan
towards dance of Maya

edge, west-south shell
mga anito, stars guiding
mga Maykapal, smiling
rejoicing, once mourning

Sky, Kaptan
Sea, Maguayan
slivers carried, silvers shining
shattered, Lisuga, made one

bayanihan rising (14.01.12)

Habagat, kapatid ni Amihan
kinikilalang Saragangka Bagyo
kapatid, kinikilalang Mahuyokhuyokan
nila Maguayan at Kaptan- inapo

inaalala’t pinapasalamatan
unti-unting nauunawaan
ang hinanakit at daing
pagdala ng buhos ng Ulan

panghugas dungis, Ulan

pagbuhos, kalunudan
paalala, panawagan
ukol sa ating nakalimutan:

hagpis, bahagi ng tadhana
tanglad- galang sa paligid at kapwa

bayanihan, sa kapatid makiisa-
sa huli, kay Bathala ipaubaya

Bahala na

tambal himig (14.05.08)

kabila ng galak at tuwa
minsa'y sakit at kalungkutan
mga lihim, pangako, pangarap
walang kasalo, sarili lamang

sa mga kawayan ako'y
sa akap, halakhak, sinasamahan
ngunit, 'pag natadhana 'di kayang pasan

mga ibon sa aking huni nasisiyahan
ngunit sa daing, sa hiyaw, ulan
tuka, lipad- linulubayan

sa ilaw ako'y buwan
sa kasiyahan, salaming hinahalikan
ang kadiliman siyang tinatakbuhan

hindi na inaasahang sa daigdig
makahanap ng tambal himig

aawit sa mga ugat, pahayag sa kalagitnaan
aawit sa kalangitan, pagtapat sa kalawakan

ulop (15.04.28)

ulop ay naglaho

anino ng araw

nagpapakinang

sa buwan

binubunyag

napalibutang

tarik at taas

ang ilan

matatag

matulis

tigang

habang iba’y

saganang umaakit

tinatago

ngipin

hukay

bitag

napapalibutang lambak

anumang daan

hahantong

<uphill battle>

ito bang

init

nakakabalisa

ay alaala ng

nagliliyab na araw

lumalamig

umiinit

ng walang katapusan

o pahiwatig

ng higit na malalim

uupo

magdadasal

dumating

   ang anino ng daigdig

   ang mga gabay ng langit sa gabi

panahon

   bago muling sumalakay at manatili

   ang sumusugpong ulop

mist (15.04.28)

mist lifts

sun’s shadow
reflects
on a full moon
revealing 
heights all around

some
barren
jagged
sturdy

others
lush and enticing
camouflaging
teeth
pit
snare

a crater
where all directions
leads to
an uphill battle


is the
heat,
disconcerting,
a memory of
a blazing sun

cooling
heating
endlessly

or a hint
of something deeper

i’ll sit
praying
for earth's shadow
for the guidesof night sky
for time-
before the invasion and settling of
smothering mist

-mulaklak (14.04.29)

lubang
hangin
kalat
binhi
kalat
bulaklak
tabon
ugat
babaw

bunot
kalat

ugat
sumubok
ugat
magpakatapang
labanan
hamog
at
tagtuyot

ibon
dahon
bubuyog
hangin
yakap
halik
mamulaklak
mamulaklak
salo
hinga
talutot
kapit

at
sulyap
bituin
sulyap
mamulaklak
mamulaklak
mamulaklak
umaasa
hangin
dalhin
liwanag
ng
halimuyak
gaya
ng
pagdala
ng
liwanag
ng
halimuyak
bigyan
saysay
ang
hamog
ang
tagtuyot

at
talutot
hindi
muling
magkakapit
bisig
iwasan
ginaw
uhaw

kahit
na

kahit
na

pamumulaklak
tatangapin
yayakapin
ginaw
sa
baka sakali

sulyap

blossom (14.04.29)

monsoon

winds

scatter
seeds
scatter

flowers

take root
shallow
uproot
scatter

root
try
root
braving
resisting
frost
and
drought

birds
leaves
bees
wind
embrace
kiss
blossom
blossom
shared
breath
close

and

glimpse
star
glimpse
blossom
blossom
blossom

hoping
wind
carries
light
of
scent
as
light
brings
scent
makes
sense
of
frost
of
drought

and
petals
won’t
collapse
protect
chill
parch

even
if

even
if

blossom
will
receive
embrace
chill
for
chance
of
glimpse

orbit (14.07.02)

sometimes
i catch myself
twirling
phantom of
digital orbit

and

reflect
all that,
who i,
could've been

reflect
all that is
and
who i
could not have become

northbound: prologue (14.08.02)

a manghihilot

a haranista

an eskrimador

walks into...

healing hut

sprites' nest

under full leaves

protected

by deity maligned

blessings:

stories

unicorns

manongs that have journeyed on

laughter

wine and migrations

lessons

love

secret transmissions

backyard lessons

moonlight hidden

moved by

clouds' tears

blessings

pamana

rattans rough and unfinished

weighted by responsibility

nights prior, revelations of a seer:

promises and blessings,
past lives waiting to be revealed.

northbound: southbound (14.08.03)

final stretch before migration

a trajectory first south then north

frustrated

by once flame that has lost all spark

apologies

gratitudes

take off

the eighth day of repentance

first landing

marble steps

golden avatars

mystic exchanges

“What’s in a name?”

a request to pass along

love of many

southbound flight

hesitation

take off

touch ground

sands once known

on departed land

without proper leave

welcoming embraces

celebration

surfing

between strings

nylon and metal

songs from a land

left unforgotten

and

as crimson fill

visiting

humid clouds

above vessels

submerged by tide:

a swan

in three poses

glides

northbound: backtrack (14.08.04)

Before the emergence of mermaid jade- protection for journeys in sea, on land- a man creeps up, two wheelin.

A familiar script.

“What script is that on your neck?”

Tracing right lateral lines, “Laotian. It says ‘Born,’” a slow rotation of neck, a glimpse of left-eyed teardrop ink, lateral left, “and here, ‘Death.’”

And begins transmission of: confirmation and affirmations. Familiarity of all, each new meeting a reunion. Why do we wear reminders of pain which the world is already so full of. The navel, seat of life’s energy, music transformed. Travelling north apex- through chakras, through throat, inhale and exhale, life and death, ‘Ha.’

Fingers release tight sinew, exhalation. Skull etched on dentine impressions. An offering of gratitude with the rising sun.

bonzai (14.09.23)

i carry
hidden
from sun
from rain
a small bonsai tree


but dew
soaks through
skin-
roots
dig
deep
consuming
showing
through eyes
through veins
through feet

sun
shines too bright
flower
leaves
blossom
sight
obscured
speech

one last dive

recalling
exploring
memory
dreams

fuel
for voyage
transformation
tree
to star
joining
number
once known

guides
reminders
when earth’s shadows
devour moon

star
out of reach
faint glimmer
grow brighter
beacon
beckon
with own
memory
with own
dream

until then
until another
i am free

upriver (14.09.23)

…and i drift.

Watching skies blacken as the smoke rises from great grandmothers burning. Steady columns feeding day skies darkened by clouds heavy with rain. No silver linings. Just dreams of flower blossoms under cotton candy clouds.

A break in the clouds and sun rays, stubborn, smile onto these waters. Laughter i once again hear and remember, tension melts. Before i can study and appreciate all that’s on the surface, roots grab hold and i slowly inch toward her depths.

Depths brighter and clearer than surface. Nursing princess pawikan with voices of underwater swamp creatures. Deeper. Plains transport with points spiral. Deeper. Sirens defiant in keeping scales. Deeper. A wizard’s hat atop submerged tree stump. Rings under brim full and jagged with laughter and mitts.

Deeper. Appreciation for the bands that follow.

Diaphragm relaxes and contracts as I drown. Eyes shimmer.

Inch Higher. Drowning bark from burning strips of grandmother deciphered. Swirl of chaos weaves disorder to a narrative non-linear. Higher. Currents going against convention, one with nature, upriver.

Higher. Eyes cutting, lips biting against curses and ridicule.

Higher. Inhaling oppression. Exhalation: regal.

Inch higher. Emerge. Release.

Free. To dive her depths and skim surface. To get lost in admiration of riverbed and riverbank contour, waters sheen and white.

And i can stay here. Wade for a lifetime. Find solace and inspiration, growth, as my body decays. Journey on and find my way back to her waters in the different faces of shape-shifter. Over and over until the dark clouds heavy with thunder and rain join her in quelling what scorches ancestors’ remains. Until these clouds smooth and sharpen, mimicking the land and animals around her, letting day skies blue and night skies flicker.

But these waters may not be meant for this lifetime. The currents that i need to follow may lie elsewhere. But just in case, bits of her waters i take. Waters and debris heated by words reverberated, and they slowly rise and condense. My dream of cotton candy takes shape. Against a backdrop of gloom and breaks- through.

Rising. Into the vast ocean that’s neither day nor night. Past camembert sphere where disappointed moonwalkers once, in solidarity, drank milk in place of wine. Dissipating and condensing, forming cluster of stars, near. Out of reach but in sight. Providing map to her waters of solace. Narrative retellings through glimmer, faint.

A constellation as consolation under skies, ominous.

and i drift…

petals (14.12.03)

each breath. gently cradled. by swaying currents. as waters soothe. muffled song: a choir of raindrops.

murky waters match night sky, faint glimmer. respite from ancestral scorch.

i drift, content.

sudden fork, sudden bend, rapids. undertow wrenches, submerge. jarring. whirlpool spinning. speed. dizzying. unsettling. inching closer to memories. inching closer. to nightmare. Flatline.

a sudden release and i reach barren ground. unsettling silence. where eyes reach, landscape parched.

the darkness advances and cold take hold as king’s eye give way to queen. last light reaches and invites, my eyes follow.

dry creek bed in a valley long abandoned by rain, sight squeezes through boulders left by yester-ice, towards horizon mountain base, slowly following natures switchbacks as sight gains elevation. From a crest, i leap.

Cloud stands suspended, filtering sunset and sunrise skies’ tinges of orange and pink. shapeshifting playfully by day- once as fallen tree, once as lumiere tower- luna cushion by night.

Cloud sheds petal and my eyes veer left and right, following its hypnotic descent. with each atlas dip on axis base, smile grows to grin, grin gives way to beam. i, unconscious, then exposed; cloud shoots soft thunder, her eyes, static shock. in response i retreat, close my eyes: a shower of petals.

petals narrating each battle won and lost. petals bearing watermarks of joy and loss. petals marking desires and dreams. of ones admired, of ones loved, of ones to which Cloud brings warmth. A blanket of petals too abundant to tally, too intricate to define, now filling with fragrance and color what without Cloud would be bare.    

unnoticed, i look up and stare. until once again discovered, then: a shower of petals.

sabik (15.04.29)

i long
to hear their voices again
ninuno
diwata
anito

and sometimes i envy
those who can cherish kapwa
"the self in the other"
but ignore kapwa
"the self in all others"

choose-
class
gender
skin

ignore-
class
gender
skin

and sometimes i envy
those with the hearts of
mandirigma
maharlika
kasama
fighting for
today's
alipin
ignoring
inapo
ninuno
diwata
anito

i wish i could choose one or the other
tanglad
sandata

i wish all cries become unmuffled
without waiting

     post-mortem eulogies
     status updates
     throwback photos
     photo-opportunism
         majestic landscapes
         resistance cityscapes
 
i wish
and i envy
and i long
to hear their voices again
ninuno
diwata
anito

habagat

tinig ay hindi marinig
dahil sa hiyaw ng hangin
ang bulong, bigkas,
      nalulunod ng sigaw
suklam, sakit, galit

mga tala, araw, buwan
tinatakpan
ng ulap na ubod ng lalim
dilim
nang hindi na nadadama
ang katabi, kasama
di napapansin
dagat
haplos ng hangin

sa pagkapigta, sa lamig
tubus na sidhi
sinasaid ang sarili
pinapaso
di pansin na katabi

sa gitna, sa bisig ng habagat
sa kung saan minsa'y
ng walang kamalay malay
inalon
na anyaya
na bitag

at ng hindi inaasahan
hiniling ngunit di inasahan
pagkalaya
araw
tala
amihan
panandalian

unti-unti muling
inaakit
binibihag
inaalon
binibitag
ng habagat

at bago ang lahat ay mahuli
muling babalikan
muling susundan
ang bahid ng mga kinawit
kanlura'y isisilang
    alaala
    kathang isip
    panaginip